Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
