My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The air was thick with penises
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
