you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
