It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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