why didn't you poke me back
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
