There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
