Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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