when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He did a backflip because drugs
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
