ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
