the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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