Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
