so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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