There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
