Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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