my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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