My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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