I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
