Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize