thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
