Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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