Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
