If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
