Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
