R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
