2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
