Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
