He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
