woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize