Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
