During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My bed smells like the plague
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
