Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
