she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
