Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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