I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
