We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
