I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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