Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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