Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
