I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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