I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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