I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
