Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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