My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
