I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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