And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
do nipples grow back?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
