she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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