fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
