I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
