Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
