i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Man, jail baloney is awful.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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