did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I smell stomach acid.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
