I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
