She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
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