Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
