i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
