As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
