if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize