Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
