I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
