He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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