so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
