Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
