also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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