I looked at my own cervix.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
