he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
