Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
