I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
