if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
