Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
