I saw his package. It spoke to me.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
