Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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