im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
