I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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