11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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