It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
