idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
