____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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