Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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