I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
