I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Someone signed my nipple.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
