just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Can vaginas get frostbite?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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