He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
